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Improving Self-Esteem. Module 6. Accepting Yourself. Introduction. 2. Focusing On the Positive You. 2. Positive Qualities Record.
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C C I
entre for linical nterventions (^) Module 6: Accepting Yourself
Introduction 2
Focusing On the Positive You 2
Positive Qualities Record 2 ‘Positive You Journal’ 4
Worksheet: Positive Qualities Record 5
Worksheet: Positive You Journal (Past Examples) 6
Worksheet: Positive You Journal (Everyday Examples) 7 Acting Like the Positive You 8
Getting Started 8
Making Changes 8
Starting Simple 9 Worksheet: Weekly Activity Schedule 10
Pleasurable Activities Catalogue 11
Worksheet: Fun & Achievement Activities Schedule 13
Module Summary 14 About This Module 15
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C C I
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In the previous module we looked at how to combat negative self-evaluations. Battling against some of the negative things you say to yourself is one path to overcoming low self-esteem. However, another path is to promote balanced evaluations of yourself. This means noticing and acknowledging the positive aspects of yourself, and behaving like someone who has positive qualities and is deserving of happiness and fun. In this module, we will show you exactly how to go about doing these things to boost your self-esteem.
Very quickly, jot down a few of your positive qualities in the space below, and then read on.
How easy was it for you to do that? Some people might struggle to bring things to mind. This is because, as we mentioned in earlier modules, when you have low self-esteem, you have a tendency to only pay attention to negative things that confirm your negative view of yourself. You rarely pay attention to the positive things you do, your positive qualities, positive outcomes or positive comments from others. This will make the positive aspects of you very hard to get to at first, because you have not taken any notice of them. Other people might have less trouble recalling positive things about themselves, but instead might feel uncomfortable thinking about, talking about, or writing about the positive qualities they have. They might consider it as being conceited, arrogant, or stuck up to think about such things.
If either of these apply to you, you will need to approach this module with an open mind. In this module you will be asked to start noticing the positives in you that you often ignore and acknowledge these positives. Remember, most of the time all you pay attention to are your negative qualities and you feel comfortable dwelling on these negatives. Ask yourself how fair that is. By getting you to begin acknowledging your positives, you are really tipping the scales of self-evaluation back into balance. These scales have been pretty off balance (towards the side of negativity) for some time now.
So, where do we start? When we notice something and it’s really important for us to remember it, what is it that we do to help us remember? We write things down, make a note of it, or make a list if there are many items. The same approach applies here. To start acknowledging your positives, you need to write them down.
What was your initial reaction to this suggestion of writing a list of your positive attributes? Did you feel any anxiety, shame, uneasiness, sadness, fear? Did you think “What could I possibly write?” “I have nothing worth writing down,” “Me! Positive attributes? Ha!” You need to be careful here, and listen out for negative self-evaluations coming through, and the tendency you may have to discount or minimise anything positive about yourself. Remember that this is a nasty habit that may rear its head when you try to do this exercise. Should this happen, just acknowledge it and try to move on to the task at hand. If the negative self-evaluations simply won’t release their grip on you that easily, then go back to the Thought Diary for Negative Self-Evaluations to help you out.
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*Remember to include everything no matter how small, insignificant, modest, or unimportant they are!
After using these questions to identify your positive attributes, your list may look something like this (of course everyone’s list will be different, as we are all different individuals with different positive qualities):
Considerate Good Listener Diligent Good Cook Reliable Good Humoured Fun Helpful Health Conscious Well Travelled Animal Lover House Proud Resourceful Adventurous Loved A Good Friend Avid Reader Politically Conscious Charitable Movie Buff Artistic Creative Active Outdoors Person Strong Friendly Responsible Determined Organised Appreciative Praise Others Cultured
Part 1: Remember Past Examples
Using the worksheet on page 6, recall specific examples of how you have demonstrated each of the positive attributes you have listed in the Positive Qualities Record. This way, you will make each attribute you have written not just meaningless words on a page. Instead, each attribute will become a real, specific, and detailed memory of something that actually happened. So for example:
Considerate 1. I took my friend some flowers and a book when they were sick.
2. I offered a listening ear to my colleague who was going _through some difficult times.
Doing this will take some time, but is well worth the effort. Remembering the specific incidents that illustrate your positive qualities will allow the list to have an impact on your view of yourself, making it real.
Part 2: Noting Present Examples
Once you have spent time recalling past examples of your positive qualities, it is now time to turn to recognising examples of your positive attributes on a daily basis. Use the worksheet on page 7 to help you do this. This will be an ongoing exercise – something you do everyday. Each day, set out to record three examples from your day, which illustrate certain positive qualities you have. Write exactly what you did and identify what positive attribute it shows in you. Here’s an example:
Day/Date Things I Did Positive Attributes
_1. Mopped the floors House Proud Tue 5/7/05 2. Finished project Diligent
Start with noticing three a day if that is comfortable (you can always start with fewer if need be), but try to build from there, increasing it to 4, or 5 or 6. By doing this, you will not only be acknowledging your positive qualities as things you did in the past, but also acknowledging them as things you are everyday.
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Positive Qualities Record
To help you make a list of your positive qualities, ask yourself the following questions:
*Remember to include everything no matter how small, insignificant, modest, or unimportant you think they are
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Day/Date What You Did During the Day Positive Qualities Shown
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C C I
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Another way of promoting a balanced view of yourself is by addressing your behaviours and how you treat yourself. When you think negatively about yourself, how do you tend to behave? Do you treat yourself as someone deserving of fun and recognition for your achievements? Or instead, do you neglect yourself and withdraw from life? If you have problems with low self-esteem, it is likely that you take the latter approach to life. This means that you probably engage in few activities that are pleasurable or do things that are just for you, and discount the things you accomplish from day to day. Taking such an approach keeps all those negative self-evaluations alive.
Experiencing enjoyment and a sense of accomplishment are an important part of everyday experience, which makes us feel good about ourselves and our lives. The problem for people with low self-esteem is that they often believe that they are undeserving. Therefore, enjoyment and achievement does not feature in their day, and this keeps them thinking negatively about who they are as a person. This is something we want to reverse, and get you treating yourself kindly and treating yourself to a fulfilling and satisfying life. Treating yourself well will help you start seeing yourself in a more balanced and accepting light.
The first step to changing the way you treat yourself is to first observe how your life is currently. Using the Weekly Activity Schedule on page 10, start recording the activities you get up to during the week. Then, for each activity, rate the sense of pleasure and achievement (0-10) that you get from doing that activity. When doing this, it is important to remember that a sense of achievement does not only come from doing huge things (e.g., a promotion, an award, graduating), but achievement can come from the day-to-day things (e.g., cooking a nice meal, confronting a situation you had some anxiety about, doing some housework when feeling unmotivated, etc).
By observing what you do during your week and rating your activities, you can see how much fun or sense of achievement you are having in your average week. If there is not much that is pleasant, fun, or enjoyable to you, this will be a sign that you need to increase your fun activities. By observing how your week is currently, you can also start recognising your accomplishments and achievements, which you may have ignored or discounted previously, or tackle some tasks to give you a sense of achievement.
Once you have a good sense of what a typical week looks like for you, you can think about what you would like to change. Do you need more fun activities in your week? What activities would be enjoyable, pleasant, or relaxing? What would be something you can do just for you, to treat yourself kindly? On what days or at what times in particular could you do fun things for yourself? Are you avoiding or neglecting things in your life, so that there is little sense of achievement in your week? What could you start doing to rectify this? When could you do these things?
Once you have a sense of what needs changing, it is time to put the changes in place. On page 11 is a Fun Activities Catalogue. There are 183 activities listed in this catalogue. These are suggestions to help you think about what you might enjoy. You may be able to think of others. Choose two or three from the list to do in the coming week. Remember to also include one or two achievement-type tasks to your schedule as well. Use the worksheet on page 13 to plan ahead which activity you will do, when you will do it (date), and then rate your sense of pleasure and achievement BEFORE and AFTER the activity. This will let you
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Weekly Activity Schedule
Use this worksheet to record the activities you get up to during the week. Then, for each activity, rate the sense of pleasure and achievement (0-10) that you get from doing that activity. When you have done this, reflect on what you have recorded. What do you make of your activity schedule?
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday 8 to 9am
9 to 10
10 to 11
11 to 12pm
12 to 1
1 to 2
2 to 3
3 to 4
4 to 5
5 to 6
6 to 7
7 to 8
8 to 9
9 to 10
10 to 11
11 to 12am
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Pleasurable Activities Catalogue
The following is a list of activities that might be pleasurable for you. Feel free to add your own pleasurable activities to the list.
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Fun & Achievement Activities Schedule
Treat yourself to some fun and acknowledge your achievements. Experiencing enjoyment and a sense of accomplishment can help you to feel good about yourself and your life. Try it and see!
Identify a number of pleasurable and achievement-type activities that you might want to try. If you find it difficult to generate a list, see if you can get some ideas from the Pleasurable Activities Catalogue. Then, plan your activities and engage in them. Use the following rating scale to rate your sense of fun and achievement BEFORE and AFTER the activity.
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Absolutely None
Minimal Slight Mild Moderate Much Higher Very High Extreme
Before:
Date: Activity:
After:
Before:
Date: Activity:
After:
Before:
Date: Activity:
After:
Before:
Date: Activity:
After:
Before:
Date: Activity:
After:
What might you have learned from doing this exercise?
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Coming up next … In the next module, you will learn more about challenging your unhelpful rules and assumptions, and adjusting them.