Proficient | Exemplar Essay
Using Exemplars in Your Lessons
Exemplar essays are tools to take abstract descriptions and make them more concrete for students.
One way to use them is to print the clean copies of the essays and allow students to use the rubric
to make notes or even find examples of important elements of an essay - thesis statements,
introductions, evidence, conclusions, transitions, etc. Teachers can also use exemplars to illustrate
what each score point within a trait ‘looks like’ in an authentic student essay. For additional ideas,
please see “25 Ways to Use Exemplar Essays” by visiting the Curriculum Resources page in Help.
Frankenstein and Bill Nye
The Pros and Cons of Genetic Engineering
Claim and Focus
A clear claim about the task is present
(“Both sources show that we should be
cautious applying technology, but that we
should use the technology”). The essay
maintains focus on analyzing the texts but
may stray at times from developing the
claim (“so what scientists are trying to do
is completely legal”). There is a balance
between the texts and the demands of the
prompt are addressed.
Analysis and Evidence
The essay cites appropriate evidence to
support its claim and explains how the
evidence works to achieve the author’s
message. Summary is balanced with
analysis (“Her story urges caution
concerning the dangers of men having
too much scientific knowledge”). The
writing demonstrates some reasoning
and a basic understanding of the texts’
strategies (“Nye used academic reasoning
to support cloning/genetic engineering”).
Organization
The essay’s transitions and structure
make it clear and easy to follow (“Bill Nye
first seems to think” and “Nye comes
to the conclusion that the benefits”).
The essay includes an introductory
paragraph, as well as a concluding
paragraph (“These must be carefully
weighed by all of society in order to make
informed decisions”).
Language and Style
The essay has an established, formal style
that is maintained throughout. The essay
uses mostly correct, varied sentence
structure and generally uses precise
language and domain-specific vocabulary
(“academic reasoning to support” and
“Mary Shelley’s characters seem to warn
us”). The writing may have a few errors,
but they do not interfere with meaning.
